Whenever I toss a penny in a fountain or see on a clock or on a whim, catch sight of a falling star, I wish for the same thing: To be happy.
I mean, that’s what we all want, right?
Who wants to be miserable and stressed all the time? Who wants to get up every day to a house full of people they don’t like and go to a job that makes them cringe?
Not me, and I’m willing to bet, not you either.
So how do we get to that ever-looming place called happiness?
As a child, we’re read stories that end with a happily ever after. And people ask, where’s my happily ever after? Is there such a thing? Why does it have to be happily ever after? Why can’t we just be happy right now?
One of my girls told me if she had a million dollars she would be happy. In an attempt to be a good mom, I pointed out to her that the best things in life are free. She looked at me, perplexed. How is that possible? You know, because clothes and makeup and shoes and music and whatever else a tween needs costs sooo much. So I kindly pointed out that love and happiness and family are free. She wasn’t too keen on family being free, but she thought about the love and happiness part. And she asked, well, how do I be happy?
Another daughter, more of a teen than a tween, declared she was in love with a boy at school, and proceeded to write I Love so&so all over the place. I tried to explain to her that what she was feeling wasn’t true love. She insisted it was, and so I asked her how she knew. When you love someone more than you love yourself, that’s true love- that’s what she told me. I quickly informed her that before you can love someone else, you have to love yourself first. And she asked, well, how do I love myself when I don’t even like myself?
How do we get there?
There are days when I am the happiest person in the world. I love myself, I love my life, I love my husband, I love my family, I love my house, I love my dog, I love my cat, I love my job, and even on a rare day, I love my stupid mini-van.
But there are those in-between days when I just want to get in that stupid mini-van and never look back.
I stop. And I think: Why? I have so much. I have everything. I have the things other people wish for. So many people wish for a spouse, children, a job, a home, food to eat, a car to drive. Who am I to not be happy? What could I want for? Better clothes? Better vacations? Sure, but I am already wealthy. Look at all I have.
Don’t spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; but remember that what you now have was once amongst the things you only hoped for.
Go back and read that again.
That is so me. Forever, I said my life would be better when I finished school, or got a better job, had this baby, moved into a bigger house, got married, had that baby, sold this book, sold that book… Meanwhile, life kept on moving, making all that waiting time my life.
Somehow, I got here, which is exactly where I always wanted to be.
Now, how do I find happiness in all this?
First: Let go. Let go off all that is dragging you down. Stop being the YES person. There is another word you can use. NO.
Second: Take out the trash. Have you got baggage you’re not holding onto? Wonders of the what if’s and the I wish I woulda’s? If you’re not doing anything to go back and change things to how you wished they would’ve turned out- let it go.
Third: Take stock. Embrace your family and friends. Know that they love you despite your flaws. They may even love you more because of them. Or not, but they love you nonetheless. Cherish them. Cherish every moment, because life keeps moving. The wheel of the world doesn’t stop, and none of us knows how much time we have on this wheel.
Fourth: Dream. Just because something isn’t happening for you right now doesn’t mean it will never happen. I’m not giving up on my dream of being published, but I have given up on the dreams I have when I was twenty. Or even thirty. People change; dreams change. Take yours; wrap it up like it’s a precious keepsake. Take care of your dream, because they may just become who you are.
Fifth: Appreciate. Appreciate what you can. Can you see the snow? Some people can’t. Can you hear the baby crying in the restaurant? Some people can’t. Can you walk to your car in the cold? Some people can’t. Can you hug your parents? Some people can’t. Can you kiss your children goodnight? Some people can’t.
It’s your road and yours alone. Others may walk with you, but no one can walk it for you.
I’m reading a book right now (Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult) where one of the characters has an equation for how to achieve happiness. The gist of it is: If you expect more than what is possible, you’re setting yourself up to be disappointed. But if you lower your expectations slightly, you will be more likely to be happy.
I used to do this in college. I was an average student in high school, so in college I never expected much more. Boy, was I surprised when I had a 4.0 GPA. I never expected myself to ace anything, but I still tried my best. Therefore, when I exceeded my own expectations, I was happy!
I try to apply that same principle now. It’s harder, but I try. With my family, I ask them to do things to help out around the house. I don’t expect them to do them the same way I do, but the fact that they do them at all relieves some stress from me- which makes me happy, even when my whites turn a grayish blue from being washed with the jeans or when I realize my spoon has something stuck on the underside as I pull it out of my mouth.
But, hey, we’re all human. We all make mistakes. Even me. Even you.
If you want to be happy, you have to give up being right all the time. Maybe have a discussion about the issues. And apologizing does not always mean you’re wrong and the other person is right. It just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
I never apologize. Maybe that’s my problem.
Life is a short road. Be happy with who you are and what you have. Stop waiting for life to begin. This is it.
Now, go get your happiness and fall in love with yourself.
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